Mirror, reflection...

To dry my tears, I use my sleeve.

I look in the mirror, I don’t know who I see.

This stranger's face, stares back at me.

Lifeless expression, lifeless eyes. A hollow smile. Empty inside.

He feels the shame, the dishonor, the horrors, the hate…

I hate this mirror. I stare even deeper. He stares back.

His eyes borrow,borrow,borrow…

They are soulless.

He feels the anguish, the betrayal, the guilt…

I loathe this mirror.. I stare even harder… The tears come quicker…

His eyes are unwavering…

“ I HATE YOU” I scream…

His lips move back.

“ WHY WON’T YOU DIE” I scream even louder.

His lips move back…

“ YOU ARE A HORRIBLE FUCKING PERSON!!!” I scream at the top of my lungs…

*Knock...knock….knock…*

His eyes up...He walks to the door….

*Knock...knock….knock *

Who is knocking at my door…

I am alone. I deserve it this way…

He opens the door.

“Hello……”

“Hello……”

It’s the reflection in the mirror staring back at him…

*drip, drip, drip*  the sound of liquid hitting the stained brown floor…

What is this warmth… why am I staring at myself….

Why do I smell iron… he thinks in his head….

He wakes up screaming…. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What the fu*k. Just happened…

This room is not mine.

What are these wires…

What is going on…

*knock,knock,knock*

“Um, come in…”

The t.v. turns on in the upper corner of the room.

The eyes bore into his soul.. He feels it coming back…

The reflection of his doom.

He stares… he stares… he loses himself…

Foggy mirror.

I look at the valley, through a foggy mirror.

No clarity, no guiding light.

Just the smokey sight. It covers the window.

It doesn't get into the car but it doesn't let you move either.

I’m locked down from fear.

I can’t see the car a head. I can’t see the car behind.

Just little orbs of light that move through the blanket of mist.

It hides its secrets in this eerie light. How can we break through?

I take a small slow step. I don’t die.

I take another small slow step. I don’t fall.

I take a few more small slow steps. I don’t fear…the…. unknown…

I took a chance…. I played the cards…. I moved forward…. I took my time….

Take the time…

Courage?

Do you have courage?
Do you have what it takes?
Stand up for what you feel is right?
Wrong?
Justification?
Do you help others?
Volunteer?
What is courage?
My courage is different.
Your is the same.
Just your outlook is different.
Be courageous, do something you would never do.

Black less night, don't take fright

A blackened sky.
A hopeless night.
A shapeless moon, shifts and spurns.

It takes no shape.
It takes no pride.
It has nothing, no arrogance or stride.
Freedom reigns, freedom falls.
A hopeless moonlight, covers all.
It takes a bow, it haunts there face.
How can it focus, when its all over the place.

We drift along.
This journey of ours.
Thinking of moments, that have come and gone.
Trust in ones, that trusted themselves.
No stars in the sky. Its pitch black.

Thinking of times, that have long passed.
Thinking of the future, through our looking glass.
How do we move, how do we react.
Never to slow or never to fast.
Everything is measured.
Time. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, years.
Distance. Inches, Feet, Miles.
Everything is a competition in seems.
Even our lives.
Well fuck it. I won't abide.

Do your own thing.
Make yourself proud
For all we have are these little moments in time.

Heros don't wear capes!

My hero doesn't wear a cape.
 He doesn't have a perfect smile.
 He can't lift a truck or run at the speed of light.
 My hero can't see through your skin, my hero doesn't wear a fancy suit. (Unless its a special occasion)
 My hero works hard for what little he has and works harder for the things he wants.
 This hero isn't from outer space, he isn't radioactive.
 He is generous, he is caring, he is giving.
He works hard.
 He has a family.
Doesn't wear a mask.
 He makes mistakes because he is human.
 But he is still my hero.
 He probably cries, he has fears ( every man does) but I don't think he fears bats?
 He worries.
He cares.
 He isn't ridiculously good looking.
Well not to me anyway.
He is a kind person.
 He works out daily to improve himself for himself and others.
 He is a beast.
But he still can't lift that truck.
 Maybe one day.
 This is my hero, a man that bleeds a man that sheds tears a man that is there.
Who can ask for more?
I can't nor will I.
 Thank you.

The Diamond is a muse.

The noises of the night seem so lonely But when that text comes in, I stern to see. What magical words have been written? Well they make me laugh? Well they make me think? Well I take them to heart; better yet can I take them to my heart? What can I say back to this muse that rules my day? Does this muse even know what I want to say? She makes me think! She makes me laugh! Oh how the praises I give to her are a mere piece of coal when she is a diamond, and I am that rough. I do not know how to take care of this diamond, I am to rough. I leave it on my shelve, when all I care to do is put it next to my heart! I would wear it around my neck and bring with me where ever I go. But alias I leave it home. I am scared someone might steal it. Or I may lose it , or drop it or worse the diamond would find a better home… My muse, my diamond, my magic, my bless. I bow to you… I will always miss.

Demons (Hiding in the Dark)

Blood red, teeth made of ivory, sharp as razors.
 Teeth colored red.
What a sight!
Eyes colored yellow.
This is no human.
The demons hide behind the mask.
The smiling face of perfectness.
 It hides its fangs.
Our demons mixing into two.
 There smiles mingle together.
Whose souls is my corrupt?
 Yours or mine?
The demons come out in the darkness, when the world is sleeping.
At night the terrors return.
 The tears fall.
 Faces change.
 Eyes change. Everything changes.
 Redness, swelling, tears still fall.
 The moon shines as bright as the sun.
 But all that is seen is bloodshot eyes.
 Demons hide all around us.
Are they greater demons, lesser demons.
 Minions.
Who knows. Who knows.

Snake.

It snakes its way inside your head.
Thoughts turning over and over again.
Where does it go just round and round.
Chasing a little mice on a merry go round.
How to make it stop, how to get off.
These thoughts are like a snake that just keeps going and going.
How to make it move.
It moves so slowly.
It takes time to move.
To much time.
It runs its way through the ground.
 Cerebral Cortex, cerebellum, down to the spine.
 Its in your nerves, you've lost your nerve.
What nerve?
 You change and change.
Thinking, thoughts that seem so abstract.
Thinking, thoughts that don't even exist.
Does this snake even exist?
 No.

About this blog.

Hello everyone. This is my creative side. It will be all my poetry that I decide to write. It will hopefully be updated daily. I have another blog that I post to daily its my journal not really a creative side but it helps sometimes. This is more for my own creativity. I love words and how they come across on paper or screen. So with that being said. I will post this then write some poetry if you are interested in looking at my other blog I will post a link at the bottom of this page. Just to forewarn its about my battle with depression and a suicide attempt and the language is r-rated. journalofasucidieattempt.blogspot.com